Entries for February, 2005

bonkers. the day's so gay. i want to eat myself up. or maybe not. i got into a little arguement with honey last night. its not my fault. but im not saying its his though. he passed by my house last night around 10pm without even telling me. not that i dont want him to come but id rather want for him to have an earlier rest cause he had to sleep late the other night.. all because of his school work. i told him not to sleep late. but he'd rather do everything on his own, when in fact its a group project..back in school, im not that insane alright. ok so whatever. then when he came last night, being sweet that he is, he brought me some dvds [gto's], (cool, ooer, watched it awhile ago), but then he'd go off telling me that he'll be going to have to sleep over at jemay's place to finish their group work. (just a note, jemay's a guy!haha). i was like.. blank face. wth did he slept late last night if he's gona spend the next night doin it again? i know i am overrrr reacting. but its just i dont want to get too tired and too exhausted again. its a looong story.. to make it short. we're not talkin. period.

another bonkerosity. my dad approached me with a vhs tape just minutes ago. then he told me to turn the tv on and play it. what i didnt know is its a video coverage when i was young. i look stupid. haha. it also has my sister's kinder graduation coverage. so whatever.. i think he's just tryin to make me look stupid so i went back here to tell you about that.

ok. so i might text honey and tell him that i still wish for him to go home tonight. a text would mean no harm.. maybe.

so yeah laters. =)

{ music } my dad watching some old tape.
{ mood } silly

Written by hotchiqqa at 07:20 PM.

talk to me..

a glimpse of me.. hmm.. there is a place called reality. we are all living in a supernatural illusion. now i am suffering a sickness called delusion.. still i hope i am not alone in this kind of world.. i do sometimes wonder, why do i live? and would it be nice if everyone is dead? hey, im just askin...

i think im floating in an ocean of hopelessness, crowded and filled with fragile souls.. but im different. they behold these morbid and devious smiles.. i dont. cruel strangers wanting replacement of the opposite.. of what i have,, whilst all i need is an immediate cure and wish for nothingness, to set free people's imprisoned ego. to think that all i have are these dangerous thoughts and an arrogant understanding of what people call 'life'...

sky wonders that my empty time part of life, the parcel with scars of the past, would yearn harmony... or else id rather return to the womb of everything... back to God.

yes.. i made that from some phrases i got interested looking around people's blog.. and no, im not having suicidal tendecies.. im just on the edge of bonkerosity.. bum life and all.

{ music } No Rain - Blind Melon
{ mood } morose

Written by hotchiqqa at 12:55 PM.

talk to me..

today my rabbit bruno died. =(

ohmy.. he's my baby. =(

gatorade death.

{ mood } depressed

Written by hotchiqqa at 02:55 PM.

talk to me..

the new layout's made by Mashacealde. Thanks for letting me use it! =)

had my first piano lessons yesterday. my teacher was funny. i dunno if he's a bit geeky or.. gay. haha. im still on grade one. i am really not on musical instruments. i just love music. enrolling for piano lessons is all for fun, new thing to do, good use of time.. and not so bad wasting money. haha. my next lesson is on friday.

its chinese new year today. last night, some of our neighbors where putting up fireworks. im just laughing. whatever.

visited my friends from APC last Monday. Everybody was there. Including people i dont want to see. Though, i know he doesnt want to see me too. I dont care anyways.

I thought Usher's gonna perform here in Manila this February. Whatever changed that plan suck!! Kat and I were waiting and so excited for that since September. Since Alicia Keys was here.

Speaking of Kat, Im going back to OBmci by june. I wont continue my application at AC. 3-4 yrs is long. Why wait for it that long when i can finish my course within 1.5-2 yrs? haha. Im just lazy.

Valentines' is coming up. Cant wait to watch Bamboo perform!! hehehe.

{ music } My Boo - Alicia Keys & Usher
{ mood } pleased

Written by hotchiqqa at 10:42 AM.

talk to me..

my tongue aches. iuno why.

"There is beauty and strength in diversity."

let my love open the door... heard that song from the movie "Mr. Deeds". cool, funny and romantic flick. I am actually looking for the "greeting card" Deeds said in the movie.

im seriously bored.. watching national geographic, about preparations in a stadium for a game. whatever. bonkers.

WWF excites me before. now watching it bores me to death. since i dont see much of The Rock and my loooong time ultimate crush Stonecold Steve Austin. Well hoping he's not yet that stone cold dead.

"Ever After" makes me fall in love all over again. I'll always love that movie. Actually all movies starring Drew Barrymore. She's cute [im no lesbo,fyi]. I see me thru DB. =p whatever.

{ show } Ever After
{ mood } nothing

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:52 PM.

talk to me..

except for dear moi. im taken but iuno for the moment. my relationships going haywired crazy. on the bright side.. to quote my friend..its nice to "live free".

or NOT.

im constipated. same with my rabbit, ash.

i wonder.. does she miss her partner bruno too?..

yes i miss him. but were on silent war. we're not on speaking terms. maybe my fault. i dunno. i think taking some time apart will do us good some times.

just letting one week pass,and its over. but on the 14th, if he does something for me, we'll all forget bout that. but if nothing happens... END. period.

=(

{ mood } discontent

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:25 PM.

4 justified.

yeah.. heaven is up there.. above all of us.

and we're all in bonkers hell.

actually i dunno if i do believe that there is heaven or hell. but i do want to believe that there are spirits or angels guiding me.. well, much prettier if there are real fairies lurking on my side now. i have playmates.

im crazy. w/e.

maybe il get back to you when i have something to say.. with sense. il have to go to my piano lessons now. laters.

oh.. and ash is still constipated.. boo hoo.

{ music } Tilt your head back - Christina A. & Nelly
{ mood } restless

Written by hotchiqqa at 12:33 PM.

talk to me..

...uhmm.. a family day.

spend the whole day and night with family members, in the afternoons, with mom and dad at dad's office for a meeting. my mom and i were just laughing and taking pictures of one another. then, when i got home, my brother invited me to come with him and his gf to ATC. third wheel. but i dont care. their treat. haha. we watched "Shall We Dance?". a heart melting flick for me.

"One thing I'm proud of is that you are happy with me...." - Richard Gere [a.k.a. Mr. John Clark]

the rest of line.. i actually forgot the exact words but those words moved me. BIG TIME.

i think im gonna watch it again. =) that movie gave me the only smile i had today. oh, next to my mom's ugly face i got on her camera. ahahaha.

ttfn-ala georgie.

=======================================
02.12.05

there are so many things that i want to do.. some to be enjoyed with my family.. others with friends.. mostly, with him..

but i can be too selfish sometimes and do it all alone.

for the past few days, ive been thinkin bout lotsa things. more days passed, i hope one of my thoughts made sense.

if i had attended a different school.. i may have different set of friends. if i grew up in a different community.. my present would be better or worse. and if i was somebody else.. i would be not here telling you bout this and not worrying if i, again, made sense or not.

not that im not contented with my life.. well not that much.. but ive learn to live and love it the way i know.

i have enough said and shared to everyone about nothingness.. again. enough now brain. okei SHUT UP BRAIN!!!

can you count how may times i talked about myself?.. see how selfish i am. a bit life-check realization for a moment here. yes, i am selfish. aren't everyone else?

uh-oh.. BRAIN's UP again..

i have no life.

that's why maybe i love taking people's times spent with me so they wont have their life, like me. I AM SELFISH!!!

okei. for once. uh no, for tonight, my brain went dead. thank goodness. tata for now.

{ mood } frustrated

Written by hotchiqqa at 01:32 AM.

talk to me..

i did nothing last night but crying.

talked to God.. "now i know how you feel.."

"there are about billions and billions of people you've given life.. and only few of them thank and love you for that.. they dont love you back, the kind of love you deserve. i didnt try to return the love you've shown me for the past 18yrs of my existence.. im sorry."

"i know it hurts real bad..."

"..and im here, wanting to stop life, just because the single person i love the most, doesnt give back the love i think i deserve. it hurts so much and its only because of one person.. how much more for you? You love each and everyone of us equally.. and You get broken hearted million times over and over in a day.. and You never fail to forgive us all.. and love us more that ever... You are wonderful.. i am not like you."

God touched my heart, wiped its tears, and told me.. "Unconditional love is what I have for all."

I cried more.

I can never have that kind of love. I can try but I can't have it. I am too materialistic. I have loved and still loving everyone with conditions. Teach me to love unconditionally.

Dont have anything to say anymore. im drained.

{ mood } sore

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:15 PM.

2 justified.

... but i never enjoyed valentines that much before. i had a wonderful time. talked.. watched dvd.. make kulit.. talked.. love each other more.. it wasn't with the gifts or the food we ate. it's the love felt and the time shared are what matters.

"with every breath, im deeper into you.. if you read my mind, you see im crazy for you.. you can feel it in my kiss.. i never wanted anything like this.. im crazy for you.."

{ music } Mata - Mojofly
{ mood } satisfied

Written by hotchiqqa at 10:44 AM.

talk to me..

once someone told me, a relationship is a two way thing.

i don't know about that.

all i say is that when i told someone that i love him.. i didn't mean "hey love me too." no conditions lto be laid, no questions to be asked, nothing in return. he just have to listen. he doesn't have to feel the same way as i do. just he knows and he feels me love are good enough for me...

didnt had my piano lessons yesterday. my teacher's having migraine. school called home for me. went to honey's place in the afternoon, ate dinner with his family and dropped by our friend's place for some dvds. get back at home round 9 and we played piano together. we're tryin to play Canon in D by Johann Pachelbel. That song was featured in the movie My Sassy Girl. A very funny and romantic flick.

honey's playing mi piano again. haha. he's having fun. =) oooh, i love him. i love him more everyday.

{ music } honey playing the piano. "Canon"-Pachelbel
{ mood } loved

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:24 PM.

2 justified.

nah. being cool is determined by the way a person handles things, situations in his/her life. not by some cool/loser meter test or something.

anybody watched Kc's slot on Mtv? Upgraded. It's actually cool and nice to have a celebrity helped you upgrade your lifestyle. though, it's embarrassing to have her go over your stuff. stuff you dont want anybody to see. Anyone's entitled to their own lifestyle. to whatever they like. to which they are comfortable with. It's a matter of one's own choice and action. Not with other people.

like right now, im a bum. i chose to be one. and im living like one. im dealing with the advantages and disadvantages. but im sure enjoying it for now.

im cool in my own way.

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:30 AM.

talk to me..

was watching Travel and Living and Animal Tv program earlier this afternoon. It was cool to watch seal escaping a shark's threat from the Cape of Good Hope, Africa. And on the other channel, Mozart has a piano. small one. It's white keys are on black.. and its black keys are colored white. It was cool. Id like to have that.

The pictures from my last post are all messed up. so I would maybe take it out after a week. I want other members to see it, so yeah..

I have much to say. but i have to go now. Im going out with my honey. laterz.

=)

{ show } gossip show
{ mood } weird

Written by hotchiqqa at 04:48 PM.

talk to me..

its been four months of bumming around. still got three months more to bum my ass off.

i cleaned my room yesterday. now i can see the floor and i got rid off the pile of papers and stuff on my table. i was just feeling.. cleany? haha. even took out all my bed and pillow covers, and the curtain too. changed it all. have to take a long and relaxing cool bathyyy since all dirt and dust stuck all on me. ickky.

i watched a Korean movie. "The Classics". The next best Korean flick ive watched to My Sassy Girl and Windstruck. I think they have the same director or at least the writer and the music director did a great job by having Pachelbel's Canon in D.

That reminds me. i have to get going now cause i have my piano lessons in 3 1/2 hrs. so bye bye. ttfn.

{ music } If I Aint Got You - Alicia Keys & Usher
{ mood } thankful

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:38 AM.

8 justified.

Took the whole music video off my page. Have your own music background nalang ha. hehe. Please please please.. i saw my co-contenders. hahaha. ang gaganda nila. i feel like i shrink. haay. why did even bother to enter that contest. jusko.. 26 kmi kasali. and im the ugliest. anyways,,, be a good friend to me and vote for me. ha? ha? ha? hehehehe. maraming salamat. you can also post a message dun sa board. Salamat! **Grace Jamisola** VOTE FOR ME!!! Click here! Loads of thank you's sa susupport skin.

Written by hotchiqqa at 10:06 AM.

12 justified.

after my PL* yesterday, went to UST to drop by my honey. havent had my lunch yet so i was a little hot headed. he made me wait for like 10 mins outside he's school. oo na, 10 mins lang un pero i was so hungry so inis na tlga ako. but i didnt get mad at him kasi i know he's tired from school and he still have band practice. bought some food and got a ride. got to their place by 15mins. was munching the fries on the way home. every bite was good. haha.

oh yeah, on my way to UST, i rode the transit and i saw eLai. whom i never saw for like 2-3yrs? i knew she saw me cause she texted me after that that she saw me too but was shy to approach me. i wanted to shout nga and call her. eh kaso baka ibang tao pla, mapahiya lang ako. hahaha.

adler came around 20mins late with his japanese friend, Koske. or Kosuke. He's nice and he's 22. I heard he's been eating a lot of our own cuisines around metro. Adler and Koske have been hanging around together much of the time. He's a delegate from UNICEF to ADMU[ad's school]. Hahaha. I dont know much of the Japanese language.. "ogenki desu ka?" and "ohayu gozaimasu". that's all i knew. then i told him that he should learn Tagalog. Now he knows 3 tagalod words.. "Lasinggero, "busog" and "galing. He plays the piano well too. He teach me with my new lessons like staccato and triads. We'll hangout with him on friday. nice.

So if anyone knows Japanese language, teach me. thanks. =)

i want to go out. i want to watch a soccer game with hon. ugh. tulungan nyu nga ako magdecide kung susunod pa ko this afternoon???? salamat.

{ music } Lunes - Spongecola
{ mood } anxious

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:20 AM.

1 justified.

TagaLog post

gusto ko umalis. pero wala ako pera. pero pede ako magwithdraw para may ka-ching! $-$ ..kaso bka gumimik nanaman kami sa biyernes. baka kelangan ko ule ng moolah tapos wala nnmn ako. baka maubos na pera ko sa bangko kakawithdraw. panu na?

hmp. ayoko na nga lang umalis. ppractice nlng ako ng PLs ko. kaso.. kakatamad atska nahihilo ako. pero kelangan ko nang matuto nun kasi nakakahiya naman sa prof ko pati na sa tatay kong nagpasok skin dun. kaso.. hinde ko talaga ma-enjoy pag magisa lang ako. gusto ko may katabi tinuturuan ako. demanding ko noh? eh yun ang gusto ko eh. dun ako matututo. gusto ko parang naglalaro lang. masama ba un?

so?

magppractice ba ako o aalis? o matutulog nlng?

ah teka, may bagong pinahiram sking korean flick si adler. IL MARE. manood nlng kaya ako? o tama, dito nalang ako sa bahay manood. ayoko na umalis. ang init pa.

so?

nde na ako alis. dito nalang ako sa bahay. nood dvd. tpos baka magpractice nalang din. tama. ganun na nga.

[teka tinatawag ako ng tatay ko.]

UGH. isang malaking UGH at malakas na GRRRR. inuutusan ako. pumunta daw ako sa bangko. anu ba toh? ayoko na nga umalis eh. ang init init. badtrip.

so?

umalis nalang kaya ako? para nde na ako utusan?

aaaaahhh.. alis ba ako? magppiano nlng kaya? moviethon nlng.. ay nde, ah ewan.. teka gutom nko eh.

alam ko na...

kakain nlng ako. cge paalam.

{ music } Mapansin - Paolo Santos
{ mood } restless

Written by hotchiqqa at 12:20 PM.

1 justified.

actually nde ko alam bkt ganyan title ko.. yan lang kasi naririnid ko ngayun eh. kanta ng incubus.. southern girl. maganda..

woohoo. kla ko nde ako kasama sa no classes bukas. ehehe. pde gimik all day. ayy ggimick pala tlga kami. boo hoo. nu ba yun?

"nakakapagod paulit ulit na away. minsan parang ayaw ko na. pero masmahalaga ka kesa sa nararamdaman ko. basta masaya ka, balewala na lahat, kahit pa ang sarili ko..."

isesend ko sana yan sa kanya kagabi. kaso wag nalang. hinde ko nmn na siya kelangan pang sumbatan o konsesyahin sa mga bagay na dapat alam nyang ginagawa nya. nakakabadtrip. nakakainis. hay, kung anu man un, akin nalang.

maraming feeling sa mundo noh? nakakainis. grrrr. ewan iritado lang ako ngayung araw.

{ music } Solitude - Edwin Mccain
{ mood } numb

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:18 AM.

talk to me..

i miss puffing with my friends. i miss to flick each cigarettes in our afternoon tambays at the malls or just in our school parking lot. i miss my friends. i miss the agawan of the last stick, the last candy mint i always bought, and even the lighter. nakakamiss yung magpipin-point yung bawat isa kung sinu bibili ng yosi.. at kung anung yosi bibilhin. i definitely miss my dj mix.. strawberry flav or orange. i hate apple. before i go with my bud winston, then i dumped him and went with my ultimte bud, marl lights.

but i threw that vice for a long time now. i even gave my only cutsy litle black lighter away. sobrang pigil and control ako every time na lumalabas ako or i see my friends from my former school. maraming temptations lalo na pagbadtrip or tense ako. MAHIRAP.

and i was able to control it because of one person. he didn't force me to stop. just the fact that he loves me, i stopped. i stopped because i love him and because i want to love him longer. i want to be with him longer. but smoking will keep me away from that dream. it will keep me from living longer.. i dont want to die. i want to live and love him.

yeah right, sobber ako kasi namimiss ko na sobra. boo hoo. sinu pde bigyan ako pero wag lang ingay kay honey?? =p djmix lang please..

{ music } Love Song - Pink
{ mood } dorky

Written by hotchiqqa at 04:34 PM.

talk to me..

when i was new in tabulas, i only post entries twice a month.

for the past month, i've been posting entries.. TWICE/THRICE a day.

please.. besides my piano lessons every tues and fri's.. can someone get me a life? anu ba pde ko gawin? what else can i do with my useFUL time? than just blog all day...

hay. i have no life.

di ko na enjoy to. grabehan na.

{ music } Taguan - Sugarfree
{ mood } restless

Written by hotchiqqa at 06:54 PM.

2 justified.

im weak.

i have fever since 4am yesterday.

and im constipated. yuck.

i almost been admitted to the hospital last night because i was a little dehydrated. the doctor told me that he needs to check on my blood. waah. I SAID NO. so he didnt. charmed.

kuya was kind enough to let honey stay for the night to take care and look after me. honey's so sweet for staying over, though he's tired from their practice for their jam tomorrow night at Katips, gig and fashion show.

im now okay i guess. no sign of fever anymore, though still constipated. ulk. and i dont want to eat lunch cause i feel like vomiting any moment. but i have to so i can take my medicine.

and another but,, but im being a pain in the ass cause i dont want to eat and have my medication. hehe.

someone's bored to death i guess. king texted me if i have gimik today. i said im sick but maybe he would like to watch the band's gig tomorrow night. he said maybe would not go if wouldnt be there. aawee.. then told him i myt be there since i think im gonna be okei. he havent replied yet. maybe he'll come. or whatever.

barkada went out on a gimik last night. eastwood with koske. they took him out to drink. i told them im gonna be there. but i wasnt. they still textin and calling me on my phone. sweet. sayang, i wana go out pa nmn and learn more japanese words from Koske. anyways, wala din naman daw sina jeff, tin and jay kaya okei lang. plus the fact that im with honey, i couldnt care less.

{ mood } silly

Written by hotchiqqa at 12:45 PM.

2 justified.

hey you can also check my contents page for some nice articles. thanks.

im bored.

{ mood } thirsty

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:32 PM.

talk to me..

i am a total blank today.

i feel like vomiting. ulk.

(Read More)

ill post up pictures. maybe next time. im logging off. laterz.

off to lunch. hihi.

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:59 AM.

2 justified.