Entries for May, 2007
i am not fair.. i usually am. but i wasn't. lately.
how can i be so unfair?
how can he be so unfair?
how come there's a HE? but no ME?.. we tried. i tried. but then there was no us. really.
{ music } nothing
{ mood } confused
Written by hotchiqqa at 10:04 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.
just an update. had my hair cut. short. stress. for awhile. but. it was okay. i think.
ugh, goodbye long hair.
stress. bye bye ponytail days. okay, exaggerating, i can still tie it. but the style doesnt call for it. soooo.. bye bye long hair.
pictures saka na.. mukhang di pa ko ready. hahahaha x_X
taking sides? how hard can that be?... when you know both sides of the story. masmagandang tanong ata ito..."taking no sides, how hard can that be?" hard. as in. lalo na kung kaibigan mo parehas. and you're caught in the middle, hearing both sides.. and when you think you're staying neutral.. telling each side what I THINK they have done wrong, im accused of not listening and not being a good friend. pssssssssssssssssssss.... seriously.
i am a good friend. at least that's what i believe. and that's what im tryin to do for the past years ive surrounded myself with friends. i even sometimes prioritize my friends over other important stuffs. and hearing from a friend that im not listening or helping her/him the way she/he wanted breaks my heart. masama tlaga loob ko. and i dont need something like this now. i am still broken.. but im trying to be good. flawed but still exerting efforts that im seen, heard, and felt good. because i do MEAN good. to anyone. even to those who dont deserve it.
heard both of your stories. and im not taking any sides. i will, and i always have talked back to those who, again, I THINK, needed to be talked back.. be told what they did wrong. as a friend, im straightforward and honest even if it means telling you your bad side. in that way i can help you correct your mistakes. kung mali ka, sasabihin ko sayo. kung mali siya, sasabihan ko siya. either you want it or not, ganun akong kaibigan. so DONT. DONT tell me to shut up when im telling you what i think, cause if you will, then just DONT. DONT come to me for an advice. DONT COME TO ME AT ALL if you wont let me be a GOOD FRIEND to you. the best way i know how to be.
Let me be a good friend and tell you what's wrong with the lives we're living.
{ music } The Pieces Don't fit Anymore
{ mood } crushed
Written by hotchiqqa at 07:05 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.
i think ive lost it. feeling ko nga, matagal na eh. i think i've lost sanity and control over a lot of things.
drinking. smoking. partying. farting. LOL. seriously. i lost it. walking away. trying. NO CONTROL. even eating. gahd.
and chix. he made me sad. he made a decision for himself. aww. big man. but still isnt right. he makes me sick. sick to the stomach up to the head, and wishing killing people is that easy and not-so-morbid. so i can have a gun and point it to him and shoot him. i think that is what he wants. so let me give it to him. let me make him a happy dead big boy.
he's leaving for the army today. SAD. i want to see him. =( he wanted to see me too last night. but we're both drunk. soooo phone conversation was good enough. sad voice. and there was a lot of groaning. (his friends were all drunk.) i miss chix. =( the sweaty sweaty big boy next to me in that dark blue honda which is very hot inside.
and the peach roses. and beef stroganoff. and road trips to tags everyday. and cafe lupe. and chris the waiter. the pop world. the beer. the one on one drinkin sessions. and something something. and "todo todo" and how he says it. the cheesecake he made. bebeh anton and dani. "danny duquet" reminds me too much of chix.
im sad.
im losing it. lost it. gone. swallowed. empty. nothing. . . . .
{ mood } depressed
Written by hotchiqqa at 03:46 PM. Filed under Sweet Love, Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.
Ecah made it for me. thanks girl. More edited/photoshopped images at my Multiply. =) ~hotchiqqa.
{ music } Reel Big Fish - Drunk Again
{ mood } mellow
Written by hotchiqqa at 05:55 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.
been days.. i have been thinking of getting one..
color white.
just a word or two.
right on my wrist.
"peur non"
what do you think, my friend?
{ music } timeless
{ mood } thinking
Written by hotchiqqa at 08:01 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.
with some guy.
*exaggerating*
..rephrase, i like a guy.
who doesnt seem.
to notice.
that i do.
or.
that i exist.
and all i want to do.
is sing.
sing..
"at your best you are love"
by aaliyah.
i think.
this is because.
of the absinthe.
and the red wine.
viva espanyol!!!!
crap.
i need to get some sleep.
goodnight.
hello bobo-Land. =D
Written by hotchiqqa at 02:01 PM. Filed under Sweet Love, Self-Musing.
HE IS JUST HOT!
hot hot hot!! as ever!! o_O
the curly hair is just so... uh.. bagay to him. hahaha. im lost for adjectives.
because.
he's.
just.
too.
hot.
and i do love his song "Wait For You". =)
{ music } Elliot Yamin
{ mood } pleased
Written by hotchiqqa at 07:45 PM. Filed under Sweet Love.
1. anung kwento ng pangalan mo?
> Mary Grace.. well mom's a little religious.. so Mary.. and the Grace part, she has this friend who she says is bubbly and may maligalig personality.. who, coincidentally, was a teacher back then.. and Mom was just so fond of her I guess that time. eh name nya is Marie Grace or something like that.. so yun. Yun ang kwento ni nanay. Though my Aunt said na dapat Sarah daw name ko. Well, i prefer Alayna. hahaha. landi lang.
2. anung kwento nung 7th birthday mo?
> I can't remember. haha. but i'm sure, since I was a brat and I was dadd'y little girl, PARTY yun!!! hahaha.. with birthday cake and balloon.. maybe Joliibee was there too. and our crappy neighbors. x_X sorry can't remember eh. haha.
3. anung kwento nung last bday mo?
> I had party with my friends at our subdivision's clubhouse. a lot showed, a lot didn't. My friends made me a human swing. for effing's sake.. damnit. i blacked out, and the next thing i know, i was opening our front door, pushing our maid out of my way so i can go straight to my room. Di ko na maalala kung sino nagligpit sa clubhouse. hahahaha. And I lost my eyeglasses. badtrip. that's expensive. was. whatever.
4. anung kwento ng 1st lovelife mo?
> hmm. Sino nga ba ang first love ko? Si Pao. yep, it's him. uhh, he's a year older than I am. we're still close friends now. I still call him dad. and I can turn to him whenever. whenever I'm drunk. whenever I'm stuck in deepshit. whenever. hehehe. yeah well.. 9months isn't long enough. i was only 16-17 yrs. old. youngggggg i know.. still i LURVE that guy.. down from hell up to heaven.. =)
5. anung kwento ng lovelife mo ngayon?
> nyek. People always want to know other people's love lives.. wala eh. PEUR NON. nyahahaha.. goal goal goal. 6months. 6 effing months.
6. anung kwento ng cellphone mo?
> I think I had 8 phones since highschool. My first was Bosch. I loved most the Samsung e700. but shit.. sirain lang talaga ako ng phone eh.i-itsa mo ba naman sa ere oras oras eh. hahaha. at ang gasgas men... design ng phone ko yun. hahahaha. SO now I'm stuck with N6020. My Mom got a line for me, cause it comes with a free phone. She was always mad at me whenever I'm out and my old phone has drained batt agad. Di ako nakakapag-paalam ng maayos, at ang rason ko ehhh.. sira ung batt ng phone ko. di ko na sya matext. *wink* *wink* hehehehe.. so there, she got me a line with a free phone. ngayon, wala na akong madahilan kung bkt di ako makatext sa kanya everytime I go out with friends.
7. anung kwento ng computer mo?
> I'm using the "public" laptop here at home. Me and my siblings share it, but I use it most of the time. (QUESTION: who fucking cares about my stories sa entry na to? especially about the computer im using? crap. im bored. so whatever.)
8. anung kwento ng kwarto mo?
> It was my Kuya's room before. I share rooms years ago with my sister upstairs. eh ayoko na sa taas, saka i don't like sharing with her anymore ng rooms, so nagpatransfer nako sa baba, tapos pinaalis ko si kuya dun. nyahahahaha. Medyo girly nga yung room eh. PINK everywhere. with violet outline on the ceiling/wall. It's so small. pero nakukuha ko pa ding maging dugyot sa kwarto ko. hahaha. kalat to the max!
9. anung kwento mo last christmas?
> Celebrated Mass with family. I think me and ej house hopped that night to our friends' places nung night.. or that was new year? crap, can't remember.. I'm sure, food trip un. Christmas Day, stayed at home. I think.. then at night, Don invited me to go out with his friends to drink.. this i remember.. we went to Dencio's at Les Fines (haha!) .. and i got myself a little tipsy over a couple of red horses.. and I gave my 250Php away to the waitress who served us, as a tip! the next day, nagsisisi ako na binigay kong tip eh 250pesos!!! langya.. oh well.. it was Christmas naman eh.. and to think of it, yung girl nagwowork on a Christmas Day.. tapos ako, nag-iinom lang.. she deserves better than a 250Php tip, I guess..
10. anung kwento last valentines' day?
> I really didn't want to celebrate it. Friends planned a group date/party at Chek's place.. I went there because of these three persons.. (and im still not regretting it that he's one of the people.) My day was good, kid, my students from OB gave me gifts, chocolates, flowers.. and i got a Stuff toy!! Si Tugudog. haha, thanks Ej for the name. Laughtrip with Lis nung na kina Chek na kami, we were hiding lots of stuffs, from the Granma bottle, lighter, pati tissue napkins, di namin pinatawad ni lis. hahaha. at sympre camwhoring.. =p PGD ALBUM (check it)
11. anung kwento ng chinelas na suot mo ngayon?
> I went to Tags with a FL 2 years back.. i forgot to bring slippers. so looked for the cheapest. and cutest. hahaha. It's snoopy! shaped like snoopy.. color blue.. and it was only like below 100Php. pangbahay ko na slippers un eh. Eric think it's cute though. LOL.
12. anung kwento mo nung una mong nakita yung crush mo?
> nung una ko siyang nakita, o nakilala... uhm.. wala naman. I don't like him then, after lang nung nakilala ko and nakasama ko talaga sya..saka ko sya naging kras eh. haha. Gate-crasher sya eh. nyahahahaha~
13. anung kwento ng nanay mo tungkol kay santa claus?
> uh.. she never told me about santa claus. but he leaves money on my room way back elementary days before we go to Christmas Eve Mass.. so pagdating namin.. voila! andun na yung pera.. hahahaha. and that was Santa Claus for me, my dear friends. Someone who gives MONEY instead of gifts like toys or clothes. nyahehehe.
14. anung kwento tungkol sa inyo ng bestfriend mo?
> uh.. si BFF? (shut up with your dirty thoughts on whatever BFF means..) he gave that endearment. Best Friend Forever. yeah yeah.. so ewan. but he's my bff. nyahaha. and he's gay. Nyx is my college friend from APC. Di nya ko gusto nung una, kasi maingay daw ako pati ung ibang girls. Wala syang gustong girl nung first few months kasi maaarte daw kami at maiingay. Ayoko din naman sa kanya kasi, ang tahimik nya and he seemed suplado. Eh yun, bading pala, once i opened up in class how im crushing on BJ Manalo... we were inseparable! hahahahaha.. We sit together in class. bore ourselves during Algebra classes with Ms. Taong Grasa.(Math geniuses!!) paper chats.. doodling about whatnots. boy talks and all that. i love my BFF. =)
15. anung kwento nung best movie na pinanood mo?
> Little Manhattan?.. hmm.. wait.. I can't think right now about the BEST movie.. ah.. the "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".. with Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey.. trying to forget someone. literally erasing someone from your memory with a use of a med technology.. or whatever it was. ANG GANDA!! =) ah lab etttt!! =D
16. anung kwento nung last time na lumuha ka?
> ah.. wed morning.. i cried myself out to Neal. Kasi pagod na ko. Pagod nako mag-ayos ng problema ng iba. Pagod nako dalhin yung problema nila. Pagod na ako na buhay ng iba ang iniintindi ko lagi. Well, i do care about my life. Malungkot lang ako.. that from all of my friends who come to me for advice or comfort.. none of them asked how i am. really. But you know, ako lang kasi yung tipo ng tao na di talaga nag-oopen kung hinde naman ako tinatanong. At kung alam kong ikaw na mismo may problema, ayoko ng isipin mo pa yung problema ko. Is it that hard to be a good friend? yeah.. that.. and the PMS phase.. plus my depression attacks have been up lately.. so yun, iyak nalang nagawa ko. may magagawa pa ba ko? pakisabe naman....or just shoot me.
oh god. this really takes time.. 57 minutes. almost an hour. wala pa yan sa pinakastorya ng buhay ko ngayon. x_X
{ mood } contemplative
Written by hotchiqqa at 09:10 AM. Filed under Self-Musing.
Grace is weird because..
1. she can cry for no reason.
*pagsinabe mong umiyak ako, iiyak ako. kahit masaya pako. weird ba o psycho?hahaha.. ako na yun.*
2. she started smoking because she craved for it.
*nobody pressured me to smoke. i just wanted it so badly one afternoon so i took one. natural daw sakin yung magyosi. tsk.*
3. she has an all-girl barkada.. but she find it more at ease to be around her guy friends.
*hinde ako flirt gago. pero im one of the boys lang talaga. walang feeling of competitiveness.*
4. she can be addictive to one thing now, and another by the next minute.
*marami naman atang ganito. fickle-minded*
5. she believes that 10 years from now, being a virgin would be a trend.
*wehehehehehe. "clean teen"? nahhh.. i just believe it.*
6. she keeps unnecessary little things/details.. for, uhm, future use. (which never happens)
*hilig hilig ko magtago ng kung anu-anu, like mona, para if ever may gamit pa sya in the future.. but all i find are junks with sentimental values.*
sorry ~greenminded.. i can only think of 6.. il get back on this list soon. =)
{ mood } moody
Written by hotchiqqa at 02:54 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.
i am tired of this smile.. a smile that i don't even recognize.
especially when this smile wasn't meant because i am happy. truly happy with my life. but i am smiling to pretend that i am okay. a smile to show my friends that i am happy for them, when i want them to be happy for me for a single moment. even for just a second. all about me.
it's not that hard, right? especially when you deeply know me, inside and out. especially when i am your friend, and you are mine.. right?
i think over is over. i want everybody to go, i want to be alone in my bed, in my head. for days.. and nights. over is over. i'm back where i was a year ago. and i found myself again realizing that i really can't have what i wanted. im such a fool. always is, always am.
life is made for fools like me. a fool. i don't want to breathe anymore.
give me a gun, or do me a favor, shoot me, will ya? x_X
Written by hotchiqqa at 07:04 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.
i have decided not to take the LET this year.
mainly because i am not ready.
i dont feel like it's that important for the moment.
i feel lazy to gather all the requirements needed.
and.. thinkin of LET, board exam, stresses every bit of cell in my body.
so, no, im not going to take the LET this year.
next year, okay. =)
{ mood } decided
Written by hotchiqqa at 11:08 AM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.
