Entries for June, 2007

i kissed a girl last night. well she kissed me.

and im a SHE. ulk.

i did not like it at all, not mainly because im NO BISEXUAL/GAY/LESBO. and no, i have nothing against the third gender, i've got a lot of friends who are bisexual.

like my friend, who kissed me.

anyways, i did not like it, because i never liked the fact that i am kissing someone i don't like or love at all. it always doesn't feel right whenever i try or  someone tries to kiss me.

 

---

 

if i a have a gun in my hand, and i was permitted to use it to one person i hate, a person who could have hurt me so bad, someone who have embarrassed me worse, somebody who just didn't treat me right.. i wouldn't shot anybody else.. but me.

and no, i'm not having suicidal tendencies here. (okay, maybe i do, a little bit. tiny teeny bit. and it's never going to happen. i promise. really. okay.)

but yes, i hate myself right now. i have hurt myself so bad that it hurts from the core of my head (maybe this is why i have migraines all the time), to the tips of my fingertoes. everything hurts, and it's all my fault. i also embarrass myself most of the time. and seriously, and i can not disagree, i have been treating my body, mind, soul, emotional and every little package in my identity, bad. if such things can kill, from the dirty habits and vices i do, i'd be dead, a month ago pa. i have to be. dead. sometimes i do, want to be dead. illusions of me cold, lying on the floor, blood splurting out of my head, with a gun on my right hand. reruns. every single second. reruns. over and over. and over. and over. it doesn't end. unless i slap my head a bit and stop breathing.

 just stop breathing.. i want to stop breathing.

{ mood } apathetic

Written by hotchiqqa at 12:47 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

i hate my life.

 

oh wait. there's nothing to hate.

 

i have no life.

{ mood } tired

Written by hotchiqqa at 02:53 PM.

talk to me..

"I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be.. but, most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see."

For just a little time, I have decided to cut myself away from some people. For them to realize, or at least value my worth as a friend. And for me to have time to gather myself together and see what I can do on my own.

I want to stop living their way. Stop. Them living my way. Stop. =)

I want to forget about my troubles for a moment. I want to forget their troubles too. The No sign for friends will stay up as long as I think I need it to. Yeah yeah, No man is an island. I get that. But i do hope some of you, my dear friends, get that having a friend doesn't mean it's all about having someone during your worst times, comforting you the best way she can when you need her to.. but sticking around when your problems are gone, sticking around for silent moments at your hang out place every afternoons, sticking around when you have nothing to do but fart together and smoke a whole pack of cigs each in a night.. or when you got nothing but 50cents in your pocket and you both find yourselves in a bar in the south at 3 in the morning. You stick together even when better people come. you and your friends. together through the worst, happiest and the most boring parts of your lives.

I'm cutting some.. Wish mo lang hinde ka kasama dun.

{ mood } infuriated

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:27 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

Bending spoons with my mind,
manifesting men of all kinds
in my spare time.
But oh, how I struggled in vain,
to solve this riddle with my brain
when the answer's in my hands.

So I wanna move you around.
Got to turn you inside out.

hah! Act 2.

Chix and King - all over again?

Tanginang Shet yan. Yeah.

I had enough of it and it's as easy as jumping off from a cliff - naked.

AY NYU ET.

{ mood } annoyed

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:42 AM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

it happened before. and i made a decision, that i regret until now.

now that it's happening again, i'd know what to do.

COLD FILTER, MEHN!! yeah..

i just don't want to make the same mistake again and i won't let it happen that i'd lose another good friend.. just because of.. lack of good/rational judgment. =)

{ mood } indifferent

Written by hotchiqqa at 01:28 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

talk to me..

When I thought everything seemed suspended in some kind of balance...

Obviously, someone, or at least something, would come along and fuck it up, because that's what people, or creatures i don't want to identify, do.

Come on!! You're messing up my mind again...

But for now, since I'm not feeling rather irritable.. I'll get something to eat instead than worry about me worrying about you. Me and You.. never works. Seriously.

{ music } no ordinary morning - Chicane
{ mood } perkish

Written by hotchiqqa at 07:08 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

talk to me..