Entries for August, 2007

The Robert Desmond Band

Where: Central Park, Eastwood

When: August 04, 2007, 8:00 pm

 

Kastigo

What: Album Launching Part 2, "Our Daily Riot" 

Where: Mag:Net, The Fort, Taguig

When: August 04, 2007, 11:00 pm

 

See you there guys. =D 

{ music } Divine - Kastigo
{ mood } enraged

Written by hotchiqqa at 01:58 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

2 justified.

i just hate it. i just hate it. i hate it that you are keeping me.

please leave me in peace. =( i have been like this for one and a half year. please. i can not do it anymore. i can not be like this anymore. i can not. and i won't. i don't care. just leave. =(

do you even hear me?

I do. I wanted a clean getaway. But he seemed to block my path. His back on my face, though.

On my optimistic side, stop bothering me. You don't even have that golden boy character that I really want. =p

{ music } Raincloud - Lighthouse Family
{ mood } devious

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:02 PM. Filed under Sweet Love, Self-Musing.

talk to me..

I want to read Douglas Coupland's "Hey Nostradamus". I think it's a good read.

Thursday: Met up with COF at Absinthe, Greenbelt for the Album Launch of the Kastigo. The Robert Desmond Band infront of me!!! OMG. Ang ganda talaga ng "Show Me". Whoot Whoot! =p Ah Lab Et!! Met up with Andrew at Bedspace after two songs by Kastigo. I just have to hear "Don't Bother". hahaha. So I met up with Drew and went along with him and his friends to a club opening at Makati Ave. Club Manhattan. Okay naman siya. Big crowd and nice sounds. But I was just drained with Marco during my afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for dancing. Still, there are a lot of FREE DRINKS!! Everywhere. From Absinthe to Club Manhattan. Even back at Multi Foodmart with COF. hahaha. After Club Manhattan, we went back to Greenbelt to go to Bedspace because Drew and his friends are former Managers of the Bedroom/Bedscene/Bedspace places. Which is cool. Really. Then I met up with the COF again. Rode with Kuya Anton and Gelot. KUYA ANTON IS HERE NA. Bleh. I love men who drives fast. Oh yeah. COF stopped at Foodmart for more drinking. Free. Free. Free. Uhuh. Booze all night. A weeknight. School Night. hmmm. Tsk. Nice teacher. They didn't decide to go home until 4am because they knew we all have no class for Friday. Unfortunately I did.

Friday: Bummer. Went home at 5am, get at least one hour of sleep. then off to work. Carlo and I planned a movie trip in the afternoon, but I have to cancel it since I have to get some more sleep. I am truly a fugue. Certified. Proven. Got a call from Alwyne and Gelot at around 6pm. Conversation goes like this:

Me: Hello? Yes?

Them: Where are you? DRESS UP!! We'll fetch you. DRESS UP!!! (yes they were shouting at me)

Me: Ok. Give me 15 minutes. See you.

See? Definitely a Fugue. Thanks Carlo. A truly intellectual masturbation with you all the time. Hahaha. Jamming with COF while at Villa Santiago's. and I have to watch the Kastigo dilemma live. Really amusing Kuya Alwyne. Tsk. Thanks for inviting me ah. hahaha. Proceeded to MOA for a bit of drinking and lots of talking about all that shit. Back to Mark's place by 1am. More drinking. Went home again at 5am. Slept the whole day. *Sigh*

Saturday: Since di kami natuloy ni Carlo on our movie trip, we decided to do it today. Fugue attacks men. We didn't get to watch the movie, cause Mom have to take me to her prayer meeting/swimming. Asked Ej to come with me. Yey. (shit. i sound like a highschool chick blogging and gaggling about her weekend highlights. whatever. who cares.) Swimming and Foodtrip with my babe Ej. Fun. then Nong Steeeb and Gelot again called me up to fetch me. Drove fast to Eastwood for the Robert Desmond Band. It was a great show for them. Crowds love them. =) After the RDB at Central Park, backseat drive again to Mag:Net Cafe at the Fort Strip for the Music Network's Album Launching for Kastigo. A little trouble early on with Kuya Alwyne and Josh. stupid immature fights. Tsk. anyways, I saw KURT! yihee. Okay na kami. Sam also texted me to drop by Greenbelt. Sheeesh. Ej also texted me to fetch him at Central. Man, yaya ba ko? taga-sundo nyu? hay. you got there alone, get home.. alone. diba? =p Oh well, but I love them. =p Breakfast at Gelot's. yummy pasta. SUPER. Compliments to Chef Gelot. hehehe. =p

Sunday: Finally, we get to watch. hahahaha. Ouija was CORNY. bleh. Sukob still better for me. Di man lang tumili si Carlo. hahahahaha. He's my barometer for the scary factor for movies we watch. We both can't wait for the 1408 Movie!!!! =D COF inviting for a movie and a visit to Ruins. eh? tamad nako and I have to do my lesson plans.. dahil. hay nako. waste of time to talk about a turd like her. ah ewan.

So Im stuck infront of the pc, wasting time, gaggling about my weekend. Sharing how my life has been. Just for you. Yes, you. I know you're reading. =p Okay, back to being a good teacher....

{ music } Have You Seen Me Lately - Keri Noble
{ mood } working

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:28 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

2 justified.

{ music } Wonderful World - James Morrison
{ mood } touched

Written by hotchiqqa at 02:09 PM. Filed under Sweet Love.

talk to me..

You. Me.

That didn't work, did it? I believe it goes better like this..

Me. Me. and Me. =D ... or Me. and Him. Yes. that's better. Lovely.

Forget the risk, Take the fall.. if it's meant to be, it's worth it all.

Oooohh. Rainy days are here. And it's nothing like a rainy day to reflect on what a mess your life is.. Right darling? *wink*

I want to kiss the rain!.. and sing Kiss The Rain. I heard you say you do miss me. Is the rain strong where you are? La la la la. More!! La la la la la la la...

Let's rearrange. I wish you were a stranger I could disengage, to say we never agreed and then never change. Hah. We never got along. You discard me because you lose the argument. I left and now I am better. I have a gun. Stay away. Because I can pull the trigger effortlessly. One might die. And I can pretend that it would be a blessing if two get killed. Trigger Happie.

Where were you while we were getting high? We missed you last time. Too bad, that's all the time we have to miss you. Ever. Fly high now. Alone.

{ music } Bittersweet Symphony - Verve
{ mood } complacent

Written by hotchiqqa at 02:38 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

talk to me..

You're going to give me Buko Tart? yey! Sweet. =)

Better than the onion you left me with before. =p

{ music } Creep - Radiohead
{ mood } apathetic

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:00 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

1 justified.

I tell everyone, including you, that I hate you. Itsy Tiny Bit. But don't worry, I wouldn't be telling everyone you're so bad. It will just complicate both of our lives.

I tried so hard. But trouble follows me.. and jerks and all those bullshit and the reruns of gun in my head and you. And until then, I'll keep you posted. As an optimist, I'll give you an alternate, if you would just choose to leave now, I may be able to get back on my track, chasing my dreams.. and the Man I've been longing for.

Downplay Love. Put it down. How can you create the distance and take it back? Don't you think it's a little too late for it now? Downplay Love. Give up and put it down.

Can't you even realize that you are breaking and shaking on your knees. The rain might have made you lonely, but things won't change with those empty words you blew up to my face. I would not try to empathize with what you're trying to impose, we both know I am not a fool. Okay, maybe you're not too. But from what I've heard, I act as if I am the queen of everything, and he said that I should be the queen of everything.. 'cause, again according to him, I deserve to be, really. Beggars beg and royalties like me may or may not look down on you. Don't waste my time. And stop trying to reach what you can't even see in the first place.

I may have wanted to sing you Kevin Edmonds' "I Care About You".. but that would be again another big fat lie. Guess what? I never thought I can say this.. but I am the girl whom guys would want to take anywhere with them, and you would just be the guy who wasted my precious time. And not just once, but twice. Shameful.

From empathy to pity. You wouldn't want me to go there, do you? Boy, I don't like to be mean. But you have got a lot to straighten up in your life. And don't take me down with you and your problems. Don't even try to hold on to me, looking for a "sanctuary" because I have finally made a clean getaway myself. Dramas. Tsk. You got yourself into that, get yourself fuckin' out of it. For the sake of those who loves you. And I am talking about the real love with all those trust and honesty and fidelity and longing kind of love. Not the I love you because I need you in my life to make me feel I am not alone kind of love.

Let me tell you what makes us the same and at the same time different. We both know how we feel, both know what we want. What we are not alike is that I do know how to act on that emotion, what to do with it. and You.. You don't. I was wondering myself if I am the one on the safe side. But I guess present circumstances answered back with the most indefinite and obvious thing that, yes, I am doing better.

"To forgive is to move on."

I wonder where you are standing now?

Me? I've got so much love to give, so much to learn and share. But I'm sorry.. I wouldn't be there teaching you. I'm sorry but you have to carry on alone. Goodnight. I hope things will work out for you.

..........

But of course, what would Life be without seeing a person change and grow (for the better I hope)? So my dear love, don't worry, I'll just be here. Kicked off my boots, laid back and relaxed.. imposing a little light of hope for you. I care, really. Itsy Tiny Bit.

{ music } Timeless - Kate Havenevik
{ mood } indifferent

Written by hotchiqqa at 08:02 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

I saw you and your little girlfriend. Hihihihi. I pity you with all the pretense you're making. Tsk.

Man, grow up.

Last na hirit na. May song ako for you!! shuckers. si Teenuh kasi eh.

"Umbrella" Ella. Ella. Eh. Eh. Eh. ...It's rainin' raining.. Oh Baby It's rainin' raining. I love. hehehehe. =p

{ music } Umbrella RMX - Rihanna ft. Chris Brown
{ mood } awake

Written by hotchiqqa at 08:50 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

You got nothing from me on that section. Bleh.

I think my last relationship ended because of such reasons like... there was no love there. Been in it innocently and unconsciously as I can be, and yet I am not proud of it. All I can say is that I damn learned well enough from it. I definitely wouldn't say "sayang naman" because it's not. Akin to that, you have a spoiled food in front of you. Say "sayang naman" and force yourself to eat it, you're just going to get your ass kicked in the end. Right?

Saying things right isn't even the issue here. Words that you think I want to hear from you. Like some explanation you think you owe me. I don't need it. I wouldn't even care and least believe words that come out of your cowbulled mouth. If you can only try to be true to yourself.. I will, swear to your God and my star, surrender and take back my words and ako pa bubunot sayo sa darkness na sinasabe mo. And you know how much I hate to be a hero of some sort.

.........

My spoon and fork fell out of my plate as I finish my breakfast this morning. I had bacon. So strange how some people believe that someone will come and visit me or whoever when that happens. I stopped believing such things when visitors like heartaches and disappointments came instead from expecting too much. At least for now, even if I pretend to have confidence in such superstitions, I wouldn't mind because as for the moment I have no expectations to live by. No one is coming. You wouldn't even want to dare knocking on my door.

{ music } Don't Look Back - Angela McCluskey
{ mood } cynical

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:21 AM. Filed under Sweet Love.

talk to me..

I tried to google me to check if any of my blogsites, and network accounts can be seen.

And there. on page 4. 2nd url. 

What a lie.

Go on. Check it. Amuse yourself with your own writings.  Boohoo.

Wala lang. hahaha. Di ko sinasadya men. Tsk. Curiosity always kills the cat? Nah. Sabi nga ni Dumbledore, Curiosity isn't a sin. But you have to take caution whenever you bound its wonders.

And yey. I am hidden. =D Although if you search very hard, and you know the keywords. I might as well kill myself now. 

False hope. Nyahahahaha. I think I want to be an Illusionist. Hmmmm. I'll get there sometime. Sa ngayon, kuntento na ko bilang iyong reyna, Tart.

{ music } thumpin' drums
{ mood } weird

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:34 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

It ain't no secret.

I talk of metaphors, of contradictions, and of complex things.

Meaning.

That.

Is.

All I am.

Missing.

and

You.

She's crying in the center of a circle she made with her own blood. Though she weeps, she feels safe inside it. The night tears her heart with the silence abruptly blessed on the solid ground she's on. Morose and cynical, she hums her heart song. To you. Can you hear?

How is she suppose to know? Did she feel she miss a chance of real love? No. and. Yes. With you. and. With him. She's been told and pushed away and wanted and bothered. She got shut down. She lost count already. 1.. 2.. a dozen more times in her lifetime. and she's prepared to take in more.

Let her be. Wonderful as she may seem, the smile she puts on for you and you and you.. deep inside, a voice tells her that she has to prove yet her worth. All of her time is offered just to affirm herself and others that she is good enough.

She is good enough. Tell her that. She is.

{ music } The Last Time - Eric Benet
{ mood } full

Written by hotchiqqa at 01:14 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

"Faked it" is not the appropriate term at all.

 

 

and..

 

Why? Why create the distance and take it all back now?

 

 

 

 

Today is a good day to die.

{ mood } blank

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:00 PM.

talk to me..

I am too depressed for anything now. Where are my happy people? =(

Where are you? Pop World. Take me with you please. 

{ mood } gloomy

Written by hotchiqqa at 04:34 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

talk to me..

Why can't you be in any guy I see? A thousand other boys wouldn't be able to make up for the Man that you are. I miss you.

I will always be looking for you in any other person who will try. They can just try. Hindi sila magiging tulad mo.

The world is coming down on me tonight. Will you come and save me? Tell the whole fucking world to back off 'cause I'm yours. Soon. I am hoping. I can not stand the years that are coming, making me further away from the memories we've made.

What I want is for you to empty your heart. Take the better than me stuffs out of it. And place me inside. You can always tell me how I am doing while I am in it. Just take me in it. Please.

I have become a beggar. This is so tragic. I love you.

 

 

 

OMG. I miss the man who pulled me out of that place. Lol. Funny memory but I love him for that. *sigh* I'm thirsty. 

{ mood } thirsty

Written by hotchiqqa at 06:01 PM. Filed under Sweet Love.

talk to me..

"It will be over before you know it hehe" -Mhac

"It takes time my friend.. but you have to try ok. Help yourself." -Don

One year and a half isn't long enough pa ba? Tama na. Gising! Let go na? I can't seem to let this part of my life away. It pisses me off. Sobra. That time isn't enough at all to give it a closure.

It all comes down to this.. Because I am not enough. Sheeesh. What else? Im so stupid. What the fuck am I thinking?

Talking to the person is out of the question. Giving myself a "Me Time" is just me drinking, fucking around, and prolly wasting my time intoxicating my body with different poisons I haven't tried yet. Hay what can I say, you got me caught up in your spell? I might give you a ring some time. Maybe. But before then, I am trying to stay away.

namimiss lang siguro kita.

{ music } Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
{ mood } longing

Written by hotchiqqa at 07:21 PM. Filed under Sweet Love.

1 justified.

All i can say is... OMFG. Really.

How fucked up am i? Or given with that situation.. How fucked up is he? Man he was effing flirting with me. WHAT?! DRuNk. dRUnK. DrUNK. Creepy. LOL.

I want to shout but then.. I have no voice. He was fuckin flirting with me!!! Man. WAHAHAHAHAHA. Shit. Where am I leading myself now, huh? *sigh*

I

can't

believe

such

thing.

Im a dream watchamacallit? Dream something. Would it happen? Really? Eeeky. or not. or yes. I don't know. Im so confused about it now. Shut up brain. I don't want to think about it. or talk about it. Enough. Man he flirted with me. Period.

Shit man. I sound like a 12 year old bitch. Pfffffft.

OH and yea.. He's back. yeayeayea! Assuming? hahaha. god, i miss Jazz and Bianx. hmmm. =D

Now I sound so gay. Yep. o_0 

{ music } WGACA (Junkie) - J.T.
{ mood } shocked

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:49 AM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

3 justified.

My antidotes: alcohol and warm conversations.

Tonight is a party night. Have a fun weekend everyone! =D

Life is beautiful.. I made my place by the foot of the cross. I am just waiting for you to make yours.

{ music } Bartender - T-Pain & Akon
{ mood } ecstatic

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:00 PM.

talk to me..

{ mood } high

Written by hotchiqqa at 01:02 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

I am tired. wait. we are both foolishly overreacting on almost everything. between us. and those that are not.

you know i will always got your back. you can trust me on that. even if i bitch on you.. or whatever. i'm keeping my promise to you, i got your back. and if there's a chance you're down, and it seems like it's hard for you to move ahead, just know that i am by your side. i'm going to stay down with you. no if's, but's or maybe's. i am your friend from the start, til the rest of your lifetime.

you like that? i think that's better for us.

{ music } leave the pieces - the wreckers
{ mood } tired

Written by hotchiqqa at 10:19 PM.

talk to me..

I was eating my breakfast about 15 minutes ago. Listening to the news.

"si ........ .... ay napatay sa Manila Sabado ng gabi." I froze. Shit. WHo? Sounds like his surname. Who again? WHO?!

 

 

 

And I thought I couldn't eat my breakfast anymore. Thank God it wasn't him.

{ mood } worried

Written by hotchiqqa at 07:16 AM.

talk to me..

IF there is anyone out there who is willing and enthusiastic in spending 3 days and 2 nights in Bohol with me and a friend.. please raise my hand. LOL. I mean raise your hand. :D

That would be really a Me Time. Unless, someone would come up and decide to spend that vacation with me. LOL. Dreaming. Sorry.

I would not in my entire life invite you at all. Here are few of the many many reasons: 1. Nakakahiya kung yayain kita. 2. Malakas pakiramdam kong di ka din naman sasama. 3. Alam kong wala ka nang balak na sayangin ang oras mo sa tulad ko. (yikes. drama lang.) 4. Baka magyaya ka pa ng taong ayoko naman kasama. So, wag nalang. No, thanks. :p

Hmmm.. sure na ba ako? I want to though, really. I'm sure it'll be fun. And it has been a long time since i went away na super layo. If I can persuade one friend to go with me, it's definitely a YES YES YES. :D

So anu, sama ka na ba sakin? Sama ka na. please? hehehehehe.

KKB ah. LOL. 

{ mood } dorky

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:45 PM.

talk to me..

I can not, well, I don't want to talk much about it for now. I am really tired. So I guess the convo has to do the talking..

BUZZ!!!
paolo: momy, mzta?
grace: okay lang nmn daddy.
grace: ikaw?
paolo: im good...
paolo: iloveyou..
grace: aww love you too dad.

*blah blah blah. talk about my work and his duties.. blah blah blah..*

Then the real talk begins when I asked for house and trance music files. Didn't really thought about it, but it has been a long time since I have started looking for Dj Sammy's Heaven (Trance version). So I asked him, and here's what happened...

grace: yang dj caffeine?
grace: sige sige. hehe
paolo: uu...
grace: pang adik nga dad.
grace: gsto ko chill nlng. hahaha
paolo: gaga....
paolo: =p
grace: wag nlng mabilis
grace: =p
paolo: heaven?!
grace: heaven na remix? lol
grace: meron ka?
paolo: la eh...
paolo: ung dj sammy b un?
paolo: un lng...
paolo: hehehe..
grace: ah walang remix? gsto ko may remix.
grace: pasend na din ako nyang kay dj sammy
grace: salamat
paolo: iloveu...
paolo: npakinggan ko 2loy ulet... haaayyyy....
grace: hahaha.
grace: =))
grace: ikaw kasi eh. iniwan mo ko nun eh
grace: =p
paolo: kw kya un....
grace: yun oh
grace: hahaha
grace: sino nagkaron ng ****(#1)?
grace: ako ba?
grace: teka. BAKA AKO NGA!!!
grace: =p
grace: ay lab ****(#1). grabe.
grace: /
grace: x_X
grace: )
paolo: ****(#1) pa?!
grace: hahaha
paolo: hehehe..
grace: o sige. si ****(#2) nalang.
grace: hahahaha
paolo: o cge, pero cnu pren nanjan?!
paolo: grace pren xmpre...
paolo:
paolo: bilis, kinig k ren momy..
grace: hahaha
grace: talaga nmn. makabola lang.
grace: =p
paolo: hnde ahhh...
grace: pinapakinggan ko na.
paolo: 22o nmn eh...
grace: naman dad. hahaha emote to!! grabe
paolo: kw kc eh, pinasend mo pa eh....
grace: hahaha tagos sa p
grace: hahaha tagos sa puso? hahaha
grace: =p
grace: iniwan iwan mo kasi ako eh. hahahaha
grace: do you love me dad?
paolo: tpos n un momy, cguro wer 2 young p b4..
paolo: oo nmn...
paolo: bkt hnde nten continue ngyn?!
paolo:
grace: haha. well im too young. i got fooled.
paolo: bata pren ako nun ha...
paolo: :D
grace: excuse me. bata? ikaw?
grace: haha
grace: give me one fucking valid reason kung bakit ako papayag na icontinue yung before?
grace: :p
paolo: i do love u 4 real.. isn't that enough?
grace: honestly. no.
grace: pero i do believe na love mo ko.
grace: pero di naman na kita kilala ngayon dad eh. di tulad nang pagkakakilala ko sayo dati.
paolo: ganito pren ako noh...
paolo: kw lng jan ngbbgo momy...
grace: ako? nagbago? eh sympre. kaw na nagsbe. bata pa ko nun eh.
grace: parehas lang nmn tayo nagbago eh.
grace: gago ka nun. masgago ka ngayon.
grace: hehe joke lang.
paolo: loka ka ha...
paolo: hehehe..
grace: aylabsyoo!
grace: haha
paolo: iba n toh momy...
paolo: bawas n bawas n kalokohan...
grace: haha. eh andami dami tumatawag sayo na daddy eh grrrr. kakainis tlga.
grace: :p
paolo: dati nren un...
paolo: pti wlng kwenta lng un...
grace: hay nako. panu nga ako maniniwala? eh wala nakong kilalang mga kaibigan mo.
grace: so nagkaron nga? tingnan mo. di ka nagkwento
grace: hahaha. sakin alam mo lahat. ako pa sinasabihan mo ang dami daming lalake?
grace: blahhhh!!
grace: x_X
paolo: wla nmn kc ako kkwento... pti wla lng un, prng fling2 lng.. nt serious...
grace: nalolonely ka lang ata ngayon eh kaya naiisip mo ko?
paolo: hnde ren.. kw lng ung lage gnyan momy, lage ako last option.. hmmmp...........
grace: hay nako. that's not true. not even fair.
paolo: kw, naiisip mu b ako?
grace: abah. bakit naiisip mo ba ko lagi?
paolo: hnde cguro plagi, pro i do miss u a lot..
grace: ako. honestly. i never try to call anyone daddy noh. ikaw lang un eh.
grace: eh ikaw... andami dami mo na sigurong tinawag na mommy noh! grrr
paolo: hnde ahh...
grace: puro ka nmn "hinde ah."
paolo: onga..
paolo: honestly ren, na bd3p nga ako onte wen she called me dady eh.. la lng, naalala nga kita nun eh.. ewan ko.. she called me dady pro i dont rmember n i called her my momy..
grace: totoo lang yan ah?
paolo: 22o, promise...
grace: eh bkt ka pumayag patawag daddy? ugh.
grace: anu ba. kahit sa mga lumipas na punyetang mga lalake, pinagmalaki ko kung anung meron tayo noh. kahit tataka sila bkt daddy pa rin tawag ko sayo.
grace: kahit magalit pa sila. kahit sbhin pa nilang wag kita tawaging daddy. (as if naman susunod ako.) haha.
paolo: sweet...
grace: oh yes. eh ikaw gnun ka ba?
grace: hinde noh.
paolo: hnde dahil ngptwag ako ng dady sa iba, dat doesn't mean na hnde ako proud to have u noh...
grace: sige nga. panu ka naging proud skin?
paolo: dame mu tnong momy.. hehehe.. iloveu.. un lng un... e kung sbhin ko sau n i want u back?! ppyag ka?
grace: tatanong ko nga bakit?
grace: kayang patunayan?
grace: madami tlga ako tanong noh
grace: :p
paolo: anun ttnong mu kung bkt?
grace: bkt u want me back?
paolo: coz i do love u nga and i want to prove u na nagsisi tlgga ako dati sa mga ngyre..
grace: i guess you have to prove it muna dad.
grace: hinde naman kasi ganun ganun lang ung ginawa mo skin eh.
paolo: yah, i do know dat..
paolo: dont wory momy..
paolo: ako pa, il prove it to u..
paolo: pp-open ko ulet ung backpack ko sau sa fx, hihihi..
grace: hahaha.
grace: sige dad. let's see then.. kung mppprove mo nga ulet skin.
paolo: ok..
grace: teka. sure ka?
grace: haha
paolo: onga, bkt?
grace: wala nmn.
paolo: ayaw mu?
grace: ayaw ko what?
grace: nurp. i said sige. il give you a chance to prove yourself.
paolo: iloveu momy..:D

**okay. so it ended there.**

I am bordering you closer. Hmm. And honestly, I don't know what I am doing. I'm jumping into different scenes in my head and during this moment, you can't see me acting like a fool. Like Romeo and Juliet. Tom and Jerry. Batman and Robin. even Batgirl. Fools right? Totally.

You know what? Forget it. You got me at the "pp-open ko ulet ung backpack ko sau sa fx.." Awwww. Heart Heart Heart.

{ music } Me & You - Cassie ft. Ray J
{ mood } mischievous

Written by hotchiqqa at 07:25 PM. Filed under Sweet Love, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

Am I given the opportunity to be taciturn? To my friends, they always ask me to be, both, one and not. At the effing same time? Say things they WANT to hear. And not to talk much about what they NEED to hear. Great.

I won't scream my head off to the revelations you're all giving me individually.

Do I look like I can give you comforting advices? Do I look gago to understand what you're going through? Because you are one.. In fact, we both are. Gago. You for jumping into that pile of deep shit. Me for tolerating such behaviors again and again and again.

I end up always being their fallback. Is this a gang inside fight that I don't know? "Pagkaisahan natin si Grace sa problema!" Man. Because they know I'm easy as Sunday Morning, and laid back as they thought.. I'd be the perfect kind to mess and mash the mind with, with their unending bitterness and stupid sorts of problems.

I am done having time with friends. I am looking for a lover and not a friend. I want to have someone who will share my pain. Looking for someone who understand what I feel and be real. I want that. Is it you? Maybe you're the one I am waiting for. Is it you? Keep me company tonight, will you?

And with the question imposed, you find yourself taciturn as well. I wonder why.

{ music } Is it you? - Cassie
{ mood } disappointed

Written by hotchiqqa at 09:15 AM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

{ music } Postcards from Heaven - Lighthouse Family
{ mood } optimistic

Written by hotchiqqa at 04:57 PM.

talk to me..

Check out this link. Man. She's just too ugly and stupid. =p Thanks to kimydear for the link. =D

LINK

To give you a preview of what she wrote:

"I go to Filipino stores here in Hawaii, but don’t really buy their products. Who want to use their skin whitening lotions and soaps?? Even their shampoo such as Palmolive Naturals and Sunsilk is so junk!haha… ..Their Pond’s moisturizing cream for the face doesn’t really work. Only FOBs use those products! I’m glad I don’t waste my money on Filipino products! I don’t know why celebrities use endorse their products. Another junk product is Eskinol which doesn’t really work. It doesn’t really make my pimples go away. I’m glad I don’t buy those anymore!!!

I rather be using products from here in the States which is much better. The sunblock here in the America is waaaaaay better! Another thing, I tried those “choknut” from the Filipino store, and it really sucks big time!!! I rather prefer chocolate like M&Ms, Twix, and Reeses Pieces. Even the chips taste so weird!!hehe…Doritos is much better!!haha….

I wouldn’t buy any products from the Filipino store. Ewww!! “ <------------UGLY BITCH. HMP. BLEH.

 

http://www.yabangpinoy.com 

Be proud Pinoys!!! =D 

{ mood } disappointed

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:52 AM.

2 justified.

"If I didn't have the courage to love you,
I would never have started."

And in your case, okay, our case, if I didn't have the courage.. I wouldn't have started anything at all.

Finally, I finished reading the A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. It took me what... 3 months? Man. Longest ever. It was a little drag. And when I got to the end of the story.. I want to weep for the courage each character showed.

Salute to George for sticking with his wife, even with the infidelity and coldness he felt alone. He is very brave. And strong. And an addict. LOL

..to Katie for believing she can work out the relationship she has no confidence at all in the first place. For falling in love in the right time, with the right person. For not forcing herself.. taking her own time, and got what she wanted at the end. A happy marriage, a great man, a lovable kid.

..though I hate her character, Jean, for being unfaithful and weak. No judgment here, a bit of course, everyone is unfaithful and weak in a relationship one time or another. But hands off to Jean's character because even when she feels the coldness that her house envelopes between her and her husband, when a spot of bother has taken over George, there's no question and without a doubt, it's George she doesn't want to lose.

..Ray, the big man. He's just amazing. The kind of man every girl asks for in their life. He knows that Katie doesn't really love him YET. But he finds confidence in time that she will. And with all the craziness and insanity troubling the Hall family, especially him knowing that nobody in Katie's family like him at all, he has mustered all that courage to prove himself and be the big man in that twisted family. The great thing about that, he's not even yet part of the family. A-ma-zing! =p

..Of course, why would I forget Jamie. Gay. Son. Brother. Lover. He loves, he lost, he tried to move on, but he's just stuck. He never agreed with any decisions his family are making. At all. Katie marrying Ray. Mom cheating on his Dad. Dad trying to cut himself with a scissors. And with his situation with Tony, he was crushed, but like a statue, he stands up with wobbly knees for Tony but a strong heart for his loved ones, Tony, and family. Fun part, I like him because he's gay. LOL

Lastly, Jacob. Makes everyone's burdens a little lighter whenever he's around. Innocent mind. Pure love for all.

I am a piece of every character. I can wear a mask and be anyone. Different masks, different situation, a still courage. And where do I get my strength from? Nope. Not God. Definitely not God. I get it from those who/what brings me down. The troubles, the worries, the TRUST I take for every feeling of fall back my friends consistently reassure me with, the LOVE taken for granted, the ABUSE of WORDS, said without meaning. The rain of hopelessness and despair. All that and more.. And it's okay.. because I have the passion equal to every challenge and drama the universe can and will drive me to.

{ music } Not Falling Apart - Maroon 5
{ mood } just fine

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:04 AM. Filed under Self-Musing.

talk to me..

I did not like how my day went. Today. Sucks. My face and heart itches. With a lot of irritation and burning. Sucks. Really.

Im sorry. I didn't like it all. And I am crying. =(

No buko tart. No hug. Where's the fcuking love people? LOL. Half-cynical and half-apathetic. 

Diwa ng Gabi, saluhin mo naman ako. Favor? Can you be my strength? Kahit one night lang. Please don't try to make me force myself to smile. I just can't. 

I'm giving myself a deadline. A year and a half is too long. Pathetic. 

{ mood } tired

Written by hotchiqqa at 10:49 PM.

3 justified.

Conversations in my head by Tues, Wed and Thurs.

Tuesday: I hate myself this week.

Wednesday: I feel that too.

Thursday: I think it's the Marco dilemma? I feel fine.

Tuesday and Wednesday: Nah. We don't think so.

Thursday: What is it then?

Tuesday: It's Grace. That's what it is.

Wednesday: It's her peripheral visions. Makes her a little complicated every second. Ruins my day. Don't you think Tuesday?

Tuesday: Yes. Sometimes I just go blank when she cries. Or I want to make my day longer when she's happy.

Thursday: ... I am not yet done with her. Maybe, and I hope, she'll find peace in me. She's tired.

----------------------------------------------------------

Man. I am really tired. I am so sad. Tired. Down. HEAVEN!!! Please send me something, a postcard or just a paper note with encouraging and happy words or what nots. Anything. A miracle would be too much to ask so I'm fine if you can flip a cig into my lap or make it rain. Anything. Just to make me feel I am leading my way right.

Grace: Need booze.

Exactly. 

{ music } Trouble Sleeping - Corinne Bailey Rae
{ mood } sore

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:44 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

talk to me..

Clinical Mild Depression... Welcome back to my life!

How long have you been out? one week? Great. I missed you. How was your vacation? I'm glad that you're back. People can't seem to believe that I'm such an optimistic person lately. It's like I don't really exist for that moment. So let me hug you and kiss you as I welcome you back in my life. ... I can be me again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Surprisingly, people with mild depression are actually more tuned into the feelings of others than those who aren't depressed, a team of Queen's psychologists has discovered."

"To explain the apparent discrepancy between those with mild and clinical depression, the researchers suggest that becoming mildly depressed (dysphoric) can heighten concern about your surroundings. "People with mild levels of depression may initially experience feelings of helplessness, and a desire to regain control of their social world," says Dr. Harkness. "They might be specially motivated to scan their environment in a very detailed way, to find subtle social cues indicating what others are thinking and feeling." "

For more: Click here.

{ music } Soul To Squeeze - RHCP
{ mood } dysphoric

Written by hotchiqqa at 02:39 PM. Filed under Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

{ mood } sick

Written by hotchiqqa at 06:46 PM.

talk to me..

coolness. LOL.

http://hotchiqqa.tabulas.com na siya! =p 

And i bought two Garcia Marquez Books! Yipeeeee.. "Of Love and Other Demons" and "One Hundred Years of Solitude". Lately, I so likey Jessica Zafra's twisted books. Well, Kuya has almost all of her books. I'm reading #3.

Hmmm. 1408 is showing na. Mamoy!! Yooohoo!! Let's watch na pre!!! I WANT. =p

Assessment and PTC are over. Yey. Back to regular class.. boohoo.

It's a friday. and I am sick. sigh

{ music } Black Coffee - All Saints
{ mood } thirsty

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:06 PM.

2 justified.

Vote Kastigo's single Kapag Kapiling Ka at Nu107!!  kahit isa o dalawang text lang kada araw o kaya'y magtext na habang binabasa ito!!!

type: nuvote(space)KKK and send this message to 29107!!

maraming salamat!!!  growr!!!

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:22 PM.

talk to me..

{ music } Rootless Tree - Damien Rice
{ mood } offended

Written by hotchiqqa at 06:37 PM.

talk to me..