Entries for February, 2008
I haven't blogged since January of 2008 started. So to disappoint you, yes, I am still alive *i posted albums anyway*... and (un)fortunately[can't decide.], I have been coping.
I haven't been blogging more often these days because for the main reason that I have been senseless. Getting worse by the second. But cut me a bit of slack, because I am trying. Yes, may effort talaga. I am trying to cope and decide not to sulk and brood over things that causes me wanting to squeeze my brain and heart out dead.
The theme of my January is... honesty. And I had the best cries of my life because of it. The kind of tears I don't regret letting them fall overnight for something important in my life. And for years, those emotions were kept inside me, that a rush of relief and i-finally-got-it-out-of-my-heart-YEY! feeling was A-MA-ZING
It was weird being honest. Because I've been keeping all those emotions inside, and all I ever wanted to do is scream it all out sa mga taong kelangang malaman yung mga yun. And when I did.. it felt great, but there's also a feeling of guilt that I made them feel bad for saying harsh but real thoughts and emotions.
And that's just at least 1/4 of what I have been keeping inside. Crap. I know I have got a lot to deal with my life.. And I thought getting myself a counselor would help me fix it. Or at least guide me on what to do. Pero fuck it, even trying to find a counselor is stressful. There's just too much complex things to get through to add one more at the bottom of my list.
The starting point of maturity is the realization that no one is coming to the rescue. Everything you are or ever will be is entirely up to you. I don't need a support group like friends, drinking buddies or the best panel of counselors infront of me to help me fix my life. All I need is a straight and strong passion to actually move.. patch up my own life.. and place it on the better side of fate.
{ mood } lazy
Written by hotchiqqa at 11:37 AM. Filed under Self-Musing.
1. In three words, explain yesterday: † another shameful mistake
2. What made you smile today? † 2 goals Martin made.
3. What were u doing this morning at 8? † snoring
4. What were u doing 15 minutes ago? † texting.
5. Something that happened to you in 1985? † i was being conceived? ahahaha.
6. Last thing someone said to you? † "hinde siya reply."
7. What was your answer? † "baka iba number"
8. Worst thing currently on television: † current events.
9. What was in your e-mail today? † invitations. survey. nothing important.
10. How many different beverages have you drank today? † 2.
11 . What is your favorite part of this day? † the pizza
12. Your current To-do list? † do lesson plans. hehe
13. Where is your best friend right now? † somewhere. flying.
14. What color is your toothbrush? † white and pink
15. What are you wearing right now? † south park t-shirt. maong shorts
16 . Any plans for Friday night? † none yet.
17. Least favorite place to shop. † ruins
18. Things you bought today? † none. yesterday i bought pants and a shirt.
1 9. Last gift you received? † chocolates.
20 . Who gave you that? † mam cathy
21. What made you sad today? † him.
22. What can make you happy? † rhum coke.
23. Beauty is/has: † what you can see beyond one's looks...
24. Describe your key chain: † felix. black.
25. Where do you keep ur change? † pocket or wallet..
26. Are you happy with your life? † im doing okay. happy. pwede na.
27. What are you thinking now? † what i said last night. Ahahaha
28. People you trust the most? † Onin. Crish.
29 . What day is it today? † sunday
30. What are you going to do after this? † back to sleep?
Written by hotchiqqa at 05:58 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.
Beware. This entry is just full of ranting.
How fucked that I am only charged with 3k ONLY. According to her. (ang gulo ng sentence structure ko, that's because i am really pissed.) Puta men. Labo kausap. Sabagay. How can i blame her, and she weren't even there pag andun ako to attend to her kids. Naman, naman! Alam ko pa nga when ako nagtuturo at umiinom with them. Naman.
She can even check my planner.
I can fucking swear, with my life on the stake, that I am not taking advantage of her with whatever.
Fuck naman. She told me to wait for it. I did. But it's not too hard naman to reply when I ask her diba. At least let me know how long I can wait pa. Because I also need the money. Or at least I won't attend further any more sessions so it wouldn't add up to the charge. I am not overcharging. UNDERcharge pa nga eh.
ANU BA!!!!!! Naiinis talaga ako. and there... there she goes again... Biglang di magrereply! Grrrrrr.
Plus, umabot pa sa nag-bad mouth daw ako ng other person!? What the fucking crack is she? What is she on, cause i think I want it din... ohhhh.. hello rivs. I think i will show you some love for Rivs later.
Puta. I am trying not to get affected. *breathe in, breathe out* It is nothing. It's a job that sucks. It's a job that I have. My job = my life = sucks so bad. Anu ba yan. Never ending naman.
Where is that wild february that i was attracting in my life? hmmmmm... there are fourteen more days until the month ends.. who knows, something might come up.. maybe a follow through from something or some people. Just maybe.
{ music } Jasey Rae - All Time Low
{ mood } stressed
Written by hotchiqqa at 01:30 PM.
konti lang.
hihihihihi.
ohmygahd.
I REALLY AM EXCITED. =D
Written by hotchiqqa at 07:50 PM.
"Parents are not rational people. Something happens when you get older. I think it's hormones. They focus on you so much so that they don't have to focus on themselves and all their crap."
- Ashley Davies, South of Nowhere
Written by hotchiqqa at 04:00 PM.
Do you think LOVE brings moment of clarity? and if it doesn't, what does?
Because I don't think it does bring sense of clarity... it brings nothing of it but confusion and bothersome feelings.
Hmmmm.. Or maybe I am feeling the wrong kind of love.
Please, can you help clear my mind on this? Thank you.
{ mood } awake
Written by hotchiqqa at 12:23 AM.
