Entries for May, 2008

Can you describe exactly what part I belong in this game you're playing?

Am I the bridge or you're placing me on the other side of it? Tell me now because I won't last long with this kind of feeling and might jump of this cliff you've made up..

Or maybe my brain's over working again.. and started making this up. That wouldn't be a shock at all. AGAIN. Shut up brain.

{ music } So Sick Female Version
{ mood } amused

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:41 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

4 justified.

At first i looked at it as me building bridge. I try to act like an architect slash engineer slash friend. It was an exciting thought and putting it into action was more exhilirating for me. Gee helps.

All the excitement and satisfying feeling of making something great, I really didn't notice that there's no need at all to make a bridge.

And the more I try to make a bridge.. the more I make a chasm in between. Unconsciously.  And it goes deeper and deeper. And I think I'm about to fall into this hole I dug. How lame that the saying "You dig your own grave" applies to me, when all I knew from the start is that I'm helping out in making a great thing..?

That's because I'm a friend. Slash wanna be architect slash engineer.

In my case, being "too good" is almost the same as "not good at all". Like what Nhessie said, we all get bored and we want to do things.. heaps of it, for ourselves and even for others. Millions of things all at the same that leads us into a pit of confusion. You want to do this today, a different one the next.. but when the green light turns on.. I just feel so stuck.

As for me, I end up feeling that maybe those things aren't for me. Maybe this isn't a crossroad but just another dead end. But no one and nothing can actually dictate that to us... nothing's at end unless we tell and make ourselves believe that it actually is the end.

It's never wrong to dream and pursue a lot of common and unusual things. Whatever makes us happy and fulfilled.. then we must go for it.

{ music } Collide - Howie Day
{ mood } distressed

Written by hotchiqqa at 11:55 AM. Filed under Sweet Love, Self-Musing.

talk to me..

Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love

It's good to learn from your mistakes
But that only works in youth

Sometimes the only way is jumping
I hope you're not afraid of heights
Reach in my pocket for a bill that isn't there
And to face all of the undoings
Still isn't more than I can bear

My current situation may be vague to my young and shitty mind, but in the future, I will look back and I know this moment would make sense. It will. And when that time comes, I will go back to this entry and tell everyone that my life made sense at 21. Somehow.

{ music } Meaning - Gavin Degraw
{ mood } contemplative

Written by hotchiqqa at 07:50 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

2 justified.

You never let me miss those afternoons that makes me appreciate nature much more than I have been giving it credit. Alala mo ba to? June warm sunsets... Out of the blue I get text messages from you to look up at the sky and watch Mother Nature's masterpiece for us. "Ganda ng sky." Simple message but will make us both run for our own room balconies and stare for a moment. Hahaha. Pre, hinde ko makakalimutan yun. =)

JP(center), Get Together with Sacre friends
(p.s.sa hell ka ba napunta jp? mukhang mga demonyong unggoy na katabi mo sa pic na to eh.. haha =p)

Pareng Janpol, JP!!... Mamimiss ka namin! Salamat at hinde mo nakakalimutan ipaalala sakin yung ganda ng mundo.. Huwag ka mag-alala, hinde rin kita makakalimutan pag makikita ko ang paborito mong kulay.. PINK! Hahaha.. bakla ka pre! =p Joke lang, maaalala kita pagmakikita ko yung parehas nating favorite.. Pink and Orange skies.. =D O sya, magkikita kita din tayo... Sa ngayon, pagdasal mo kami.. lalo na si Senen nang matapos na sa college. Hahahaha. Sana okay ka lang.. Salamat at dumaan ka sa buhay namin... =)

You never missed reminding me to look up at the sky and appreciate it's beauty... Now, let the sky remind me of what a good friend you were.. =)

Sige na pre... Tulog ka na nang mahimbing. Babay. =(

{ mood } sad

Written by hotchiqqa at 03:00 PM. Filed under Twisted Minds.

6 justified.