Hypocrisy aside, it would be lying if I bluntly say that I am a nice girl. (I see a few nods now.. okay a lot of nods and shouting from everyone.) I can honestly say I have done a lot of ugly deeds and I am not proud of it. God had stopped smiling over me for a long time. I felt like these words by Matt Wertz:

And I had enough of those stumbles.. I am going back to the one who made me. I will lose myself to the one who found me. Still setting aside pride and hypocrisy, I'd know I will still have fallbacks. I'd still make mistakes. But I know now to tell myself that I'm too good to fall apart again because of those mistakes. I will smile and I will live on...

I guess there's nothing anybody can throw at me now and still get hurt. I have sang my songs on my own.. lived the way I wanted it, bad things happened, mistakes were obvious, heartaches and pain scarred me... but I got out from all of it. I learned from it and I got myself back together.

I had been stuck. And the only thing left for me to do.. was to believe again. Thank God I did.

For the months that passed, I always sleep to dream, to ignore reality, and have my own safe world and stay asleep til the day I die. Lately, I can't even wait that long for the next day to come so I can live those dreams. Luck has been on my side lately. I know it wouldn't stay that way forever even if I wish it will but I'll make the most out of my life now... So I can look back and contentedly say I have live my life well and long enough to realize it.

{ music } Top of the World - Mandy Moore
{ mood } complacent

Written by hotchiqqa at 01:05 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

1 justified.

Captivation break-out

Got my permission to
Break the tradition
No limited editions
This is a persistent
Change of disposition
No more inhibitions
I don't wanna spend my life wishing

I definitely broke my own rule. I surely did not consider any personal inhibitions. There's nobody I had to ask permission from. It was the utmost unique disposition I had ever had in months. What I did was a call for breaking free and giving in to what I want. So yes I am happy that I gave in to my needs. But I'm not sure if it was really the right thing to ask for. Sucks ball.

I must be over my head right now. And I think I wished too much for something I can not handle. This was more of starting over from scratch with carboard boxes to an imagination gone loco. I must be crazy to think I can do this. And maybe a few months after this, I'll never be wishing as vague as I did a few months ago.

I got this crazy idea right now that I just created a fake empire. F A K E. And who would want to put this slow show up with me? He must be on the edge too. Gone kookoo like yours truly. Kuhrayzee.

Get wild with me baby!

{ music } The Naturals
{ mood } kookoo

Written by hotchiqqa at 08:43 PM. Filed under Gnarly Bonkers, Life is a dance floor., Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

talk to me..

Tina asked me: "Are you living or Are you existing?"

It must have been really burried deep in me. I suddenly can't breathe and my throat hurt. I was keeping myself not to cry.

Not because I didn't know or that I have no answer, because I do. That I am only existing.

But because I remembered my friends who left.. Ella and Jp. Did they live or did they just exist? I wish they knew I am living for them. And it must be because of them that I am still existing.

I wish I could tell you
The things I never got the chance to
I wish I was with you now
To see your smile again
I wish we had more time
But, time goes by so fast
A moment comes and then
The moment passes by
In a blink of an eye
And if I had one wish

I wouldn't ask for money
I wouldn't ask for fame
I wouldn't ask for the power to
Make this world change
If I could have one thing
That one thing that I would choose
Is one more ordinary day with you
With you

I wish I could see you
And be there where my arms could reach you
I wish I could let you know
How much you touch my life
Maybe a little time
Is all the time we get
The words we long to say
Are words that go unsaid
You can't go back again
But if I had one wish

I wouldn't ask for money
I wouldn't ask for fame
I wouldn't ask for the the power
To make this world change
If I could have one thing
That one thing that I would choose
Is one more ordinary day with you

I wish we had more time
Time goes by so fast
The moment comes
And a moment passes by
In the blink of an eye
And if I had one wish

I wouldn't ask for money
I wouldn't ask for fame
I wouldn't ask for the the power
To make this world change, no
If I could have one thing
That one thing that I would choose
Is one more ordinary day
Just one more ordinary day with you
With you

- Ordinary Day, Nick Lachey

{ music } Ordinary Day - Nick Lachey
{ mood } sad

Written by hotchiqqa at 10:04 PM. Filed under Self-Musing.

talk to me..

Written by hotchiqqa at 04:06 PM. Filed under Lets go visual!, Self-Musing, Twisted Minds.

2 justified.

...more than the leech. Ahahahaha.. But whatever, it was a good ending for Stephenie Meyer's Braking Dawn - conclusion to the Twilight Saga. But I am still hoping it would not be the last to hear, or read, about teh stories about these wonderful and amazing creatures. I wish to belong in their kingdom. And if I were, I'd wish to be a vampire. Or someone very much involved with a werewolf. Hahahaha. Preferably, Jacob.

I can't wait for the movie to be released. Unfortunately, we, Filipino fans, will be delayed a month long before we could watch it after it is launched in the US. Daya talaga. Oh well, let us hope clear/pirated dvds are available after a week. Hehehe. Unless someone would buy me a ticket to US and a free movie on December 2008, I'd be glad to turn down piracy for once. Hahaha

I couldn't stop reading it from the time I opened its first page. Going to sleep was unbearable. Ahaha. Serious. I'd shut off the lights and lay down steady for ten loooong minutes, and I'd be up again to turn on the lights and read one or two more chapters on the first night. Even reading two chapters more before going to work the next morning, and finishing it this afternoon. Made my day. I am sorry but I may not be over it after a week or so. Hahaha

Written by hotchiqqa at 05:59 PM. Filed under Worlds I'd die to get into.

6 justified.